AITA: ‘Pass a Wifey Test or We Can’t Get Married.’: Girlfriend Called Difficult for Refusing to Participate in Boyfriend’s Family Tradition of the Housewife Test

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Noga Jacobi
Mar 27, 2023 7:00 PM EDT

Dating someone from a different cultural background comes with a unique set of challenges. One of these challenges is the expectation from the couple to adopt traditional gender roles once married, even if the couple's lifestyle pre-marriage was anything but.

Such is the case in today's AITA post. A woman came onto Reddit at the request of her boyfriend, who claimed she was an a$$hole for refusing to uphold his family tradition of testing potential brides. The test? To verify that the future wife would be successful in her role as a stay-at-home wife and mother.

OP was shocked, especially considering both her boyfriend and his family know she is career oriented and has no intention of giving up her job to stay home and do chores. Not on;y that, she hates doing chores and would rather outsource them. Boyfriend's family were, apparently, appalled, and the whole thing devolved into a fight that ruined their visit with the couple. Later on, OP's boyfriend claimed she should have just gone through with the test to honor his 'fun family tradition' and that her refusal made her an AH.

When I say the responses were brilliant in their snarkiness, I'm underselling them. Be forewarned - genius ahead.

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  • 01
    Font - u/Subatancial_Oracle 1 day ago 1263 AITA for refusing to honor my boyfriend's family's tradition? Not the A-hole
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 02
    Font - My boyfriend Eric (29M, fake name) and I (27F) have been dating for three years. For context, I have met his family and they are friendly.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 03
    Font - We don't meet them very often because they live in my bf's home country. I don't want to reveal country names either for privacy reasons but my bf and I are of different nationalities and we both work in my country.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 04
    Font - The conflict happened during our last visit last weekend. We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 05
    Font - While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it's a big step in our relationship for us(we are not engaged yet.) His
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 06
    Font - parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked "So is she going to take the test?"
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 07
    Font - I asked "what test?".
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 08
    Font - In summary, bf's family has this tradition where the future MIL tests future daughters-in- law to see if they are good enough for her sons. Apparently, his
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 09
    Font - mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 10
    Font - Basically life skills most people learn from childhood. I found it ridiculous because 1. If I'm good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 11
    Font - it. and 2. I don't fit in their targeted category. In his mom's words, you can't be a good SAHW and SAHM if you can't be a good homemaker and she wants to make sure of that.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 12
    Font - To be clear, his mom and all three of his brothers' wives are SAHMs and although I respect their choice, I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my bf think I could compromise on that.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 13
    Font - I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself. I told
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 14
    Font - my bf's mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and in extension our visit.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 15
    Font - Bf doesn't care whether I'm a working wife or a SAHW but he thinks I should have just done the test because "it's just a test" and it's not like
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 16
    Font - they would reject me if I failed it. He thinks it's a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and I should have gone along with it anyways.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 17
    Font - My boyfriend thinks I'm the AH and suggested I make this post. If I really am the asshole, I'm sure you guys will let me know so am I?
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 18
    Font - EDIT: Adding this as it's been coming up. I know disclosing the country may or may not bring up some unwanted arguments that will violate the rules here. But just for context, it's a family tradition, not a national culture.
    via Subatancial_Oracle
  • 19
    Font - miss_trixie · 1 day ago 2 Partassipant [1] & 8 More He thinks it's a fun tradition he thinks it a fun tradition for women marrying into the family to be judged on their 'skills' in traditional, old-fashioned gender conforming roles?
    via miss_trixie
  • 20
    Font - fine. let HIM take a test. he can rotate the tires, change the oil and maybe transmission rework the on a car. install a new muffler while he's at it.
    via miss_trixie
  • 21
    Font - then he can perform a series of tests of lifting heavy objects. how are his plumbing skills? he's gonna need to know how to fix a leaky faucet. your father and brothers and male friends can judge him on his manliness and decide if he is prepared to be a 'proper' husband. he
    via miss_trixie
  • 22
    Font - might also need to prove he makes enough money to support you for when you have to stay home and perform all those 'wifely' duties. what an obnoxious family.
    via miss_trixie
  • 23
    Gesture - concretism 1 day ago edited 23 hr. ago 2 Exactly. I had a similar thought.
    via concretism
  • 24
    Font - "I love traditions! Let's start new ones. The men in my family will drop you in the woods with no resources a few days' walk from civilization. If you make it back, the men will be at a judges'
    via concretism
  • 25
    Font - table with score cards to judge your wounds, health, and weight of leftover hunting winnings. Hope you score above a 5! Good luck!"
    via concretism
  • 26
    Font - skendax 23 hr. ago The men in my family will drop you in the woods with no resources a few days' walk from civilization. Sounds like a pleasant weekend.
    via skendax
  • 27
    Font - If you really want to test men, make them do things like childcare and house cleaning.
    via skendax
  • 28
    Font - Fergus74 23 hr. ago. edited 23 hr. ago Asshole Aficionado [11] If I had a daughter and her boyfriend's family came up with some BS like that, I would DEFINITELY say that their precious son would I have to take this test Or even something worse.
    via Fergus74
  • 29
    Font - Specialist-Web7854 22 hr. ago I was thinking similar, but why not the same test - let's see how good he is at the housework. What happens if he's not good enough?
    via Specialist-Web7854
  • 30
    Font - AlternativeAd3652. 23 hr. ago Partassipant [1] Totally! Round 1 - put together the hardest piece of flatpack furniture you can find, preferably one that needs to be drilled into the wall.
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 31
    Font - Round 2 - fix the leaky sink/install a dishwasher
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 32
    Font - Round 3 - carry one very heavy box up and down the stairs 50 times
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  • 33
    Font - Round 4 service a car/something car related
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  • 34
    Font - Round 5 - get into the roof to repair a broken tile
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 35
    Font - Round 6 - have "the talk" with an awkward 12 year old boy (preferably a 16 yr old who is willing to make it as awkward as possible)
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 36
    Font - Round 7 - defend his wife's honour at the bar (IE avoid getting into or win a fight)
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 37
    Font - And the final round - get him to show his paycheck, and go through a budget to make sure it covers all the expenses for him, wife and 3 kids. Oh it doesn't come close because it's 2023? YOU FAILED.
    via AlternativeAd3652
  • 38
    Font - Airotica · 23 hr. ago I love this list but why did you leave off sexually satisfy OP?? LOL
    via Airotica

Tags

boyfriend family drama aita am i the asshole girlfriend family Reddit gender roles
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